Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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