ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
