I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh god it's open bar.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
