my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
