i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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