I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
