Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
