i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
