He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
