I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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