Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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