my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
