in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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