Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
