Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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