i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
