Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
