she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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