I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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