You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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