Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
