I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
