He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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