Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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