forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
