Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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