So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
