We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
