I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
