i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
