I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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