I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
