you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
