if i can run in heels then i can drive
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
