Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
As shirtless as possible
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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