i was born a porn star she said
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Girls should come with a carfax report
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
