i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
