need another drink. this is the easiest way
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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