I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
