we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
