Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
