he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
