I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
