Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
