it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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