Duck Duck Cougar?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
