I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
