physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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