Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize