i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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