Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
