Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm sobbing to NWA
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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