I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
