...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
