man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
