VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize