Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
