just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
