My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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