i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
