my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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