I wanna bring you to show and tell
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
