We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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