Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
