note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
