they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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