Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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