you have to choose: penises or morals?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
