My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
