You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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