i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
