We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Randomize
