OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
