When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
