we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize