I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
