if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
