i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize